3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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