Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
