I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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