I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
