please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
