Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Someone came in the potted fern
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
