I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He shit in the fireplace
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
