I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
