How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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