I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Randomize
