Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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