yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
