Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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