literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
