Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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