See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
