I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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