i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
