Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize