so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
