It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
