just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
