You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
