omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
