Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize