I am in a vortex of obligation.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
never play flip cup with pint glasses
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
