Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
