i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
