i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize