At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
