I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize