Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I deserve this hangover.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
