I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
