This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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