he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
