i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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