And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
