when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
