Your dad touched me again.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
And then he peed in my hair
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