He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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