does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It's just like the Real World with babies
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
