Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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