but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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