My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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