I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
