You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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