Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
