we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
