Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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