They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
