I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
