Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
