could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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