My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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