Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
