you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
