Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
