i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
