I am puke
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Randomize
