You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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