Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
