Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
