What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
