at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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