Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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