There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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