u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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