found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
