Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
