Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
