We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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