if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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