she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
As shirtless as possible
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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