okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize