He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
