3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
