She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
