I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
