she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
