I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
