Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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