You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Of course I have a pirate flag
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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