Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
