forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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