i just had sex bonerless
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize