oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
