Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
the liver wants what the liver wants
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have tasted many bathrooms
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
