i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
