Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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