The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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