The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Randomize
