I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
