I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
