I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
