I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
